In the Pursuit of Beauty
“My hair were tugged, two men grabbed me, and acid was poured on my face, the acid ate through my skin, ate through my bones, while the world around me watched.”
On 19th May 2014, Reshma Bano Qureshi, a seventeen year old young girl left her home for the examination centre. Her face was covered in a burqa. She was mistaken for her sister and the attackers threw sulphuric acid on her. This incident changed her life forever. But, she decided to survive, and thrive.
Despite being tremendously occupied for the whole week, I had been eagerly waiting for Friday evening. I quietly sipped on my lukewarm glass of water to soothe the croakiness in my voice. Clearly, I had been tried. I look at my reflection in the mirror before I leave, I take a mental note to prioritise my health and take some undisturbed sleep on the weekend.
I was invited hold a conversation with Reshma, the extra ordinary woman who fought against all the odds and had become a beacon of hope for millions. Reshma Qureshi, an acid attack survivor and Taniya Singh, the co-author of “Being Reshma”, who has penned down Reshma’s struggle to prosper in the society that celebrates beauty. I reached the venue with my friend, all the way making notes of what could I ask her that would not remind her of the painful incident all over again. AS we entered, the place was already occupied with women and men who were looking forward towards the talk. Somewhere deep inside me, I knew that I was going to face a living example of how heartless and brutal humans could be.
While I was contemplating about what was going to be of the evening, I went near the space that was set up for the interview. That was when I got my first glimpse of Reshma. I walk up to her, and I am already in awe of the strong disposition the woman projected. But in that moment there was a sudden realisation. As I stood in front of her, I encountered a 21 year old myself, I encountered a girl just like any of us would have been or are at the age of 21, but only stronger, but only her face irrevocably mutilated. The face that is celebrated right from the time of her birth, the colour, the defined features, the skin and everything that has been of primary importance in her life, the face that was far more important than her academic achievements.
But Reshma, She was a survivor. A survivor of the acid attack that was solely done to disparage the pride of a woman who defied the patriarchal set-up. And, here was her lesson, You crumble a man’s ego here and there you go! Reshma Bano Qureshi. This name, the aura, the strength she exuded will stay with me.
I gave her a tight hug and I knew where exactly this evening would lead.
Thinking about did she choose to be a victim that day? No.
Well! a victim never gets to choose. Reshma had no choice with her. She had already become an acid attack victim. Now either she could have given up on her life, or could have chosen what she chose to do. That is to live, to survive, to become a voice of many women like her. Love and empathy towards anyone in an adverse situation plays like a catalyst. The victims need to see the world in a new light, and these feelings become the force that pulls them from darkness. Reshma, as she quotes “closeted herself” from every one after the incident and had become vindictive towards the world. She had lost all the hope of living. With her faith in humanity totally shattered, she wondered how she would fit in an idealistic definition of a woman. She was never taught any other way but to look beautiful. With her face, “her most precious possession” being deformed what would her life be like. She had immense support of her close family, her brothers that made her realise that it was not the end of the road. And, one thing led to the other. And here she was amongst all of us celebrating her memoir “Being Reshma”. Which is currently in its second print.
Today, she has walked the ramp for various esteemed designers nationally and internationally and is the face of Make Love Not Scars, an organization that works towards the rehabilitation of acid attack survivors. She is the new face of beauty. A beauty that does not celebrate looks. A beauty that does not celebrate filters. A beauty that celebrate scars, flaws, and most importantly your identity in all pride and glory.
Being into research for the past four years, I have understood the gender socialization very closely. Undeniably, beauty is a norm around the world, ‘being beautiful’ tops the list of the standards set for a woman. Even though the world is changing and there is an undeniable paradigm shift from then to now, I feel the mind-set of the masses is still biased. As amusing as it may sound, here in India we see matrimonial print advertisements emphasising on the “sunder, patli, lambi, gori, kanya” while seeking a perfect match for their sons. These feminine beauty standards are engrained in the heteronormative mind-sets. It has been researched that majority of women around the world suffer from mental health issues, depression, eating disorders, low self- esteem etc. in order to fit into a certain definition of being beautiful.
I agree that media and contemporary authors are propagating diversity and more inclusiveness in terms of beauty. But, open your eyes around you. And, perhaps in the house next to yours, you will meet another Reshma. A Reshma who is ashamed of her weight, her height, her skin colour and the list is never ending. You will realise how many women are haunted by the idea of idealistic “Beauty”.
I rest my case here. Would I ever fit in, I know not. But, I know one thing for sure that we women need to work as a tribe to thrive. Our slightest, easy, casual remarks leave a lasting impact on an individual’s mind. Women can be each other’s worst critics. And trust me, the effect of it is double in the name of sisterhood, and the phrase “it is for your own good.” Many times I too have not felt good about myself, I too have been a victim of these causal statements, and remarks. Body shaming manifests in many ways and is a form of bullying that causes utmost grief. It leads to depression and anxiety issues especially in women because they are the ones idolised as a paragon of beauty and that is, of course the patriarchal view on body image celebrated from times immemorial.
Scars are not always physical. Physical scars fade with away with time. But mental scars would stay for as long as you live. There is a distinct undercurrent of spitefulness and pessimism that is plaguing us. What needs to be done is, to empathise, to expand our horizons, to work as comrades, to uplift each other by motivating them. I believe half the battle would be won.
We need to re-think and work as a team for progressing in the right direction. We need to stop exemplifying beauty standards especially in front of our little girls. We need to show them the world in the new light, so that daughters learn to empower each other. We need to show our sons that beauty is not a norm for a woman. That a woman defines beauty through her mind, and her speech. And, that is how we all are ‘Beautiful’ in our own unique way, irrespective of our gender.
-MM
