Small Town Girl
“I was pregnant with our second child. After the most challenging nine months, I was finally about to meet our little miracle.It had been raining since three days, and to the falling Rhythm of those drops, I danced”
Today, I want to share a story, story of myself.
I was twenty and was just out of college, When ten years back my father said to me that the day he finds a perfect match he’d get me married.
That very year, I got engaged. I was just a graduate and all I knew was that I could write well.
So, ten years back when I got married I thought this was it!
This was the end of all my twenty something dreams and a beginning of a completely different life. In India where late marriage for either sex is considered socially wrong I actually succumbed to the structures, I realised that later though.
I feel I was weak as person to fight them.
I gave myself one year after marriage, and something that my mother had told me long ago kept echoing in my ears all this while. She always said that if you want a life outside these four walls then educate yourself and the rest will follow.
I started working upon myself. Alot of prying aunties and uncles didn’t leave me though and kept telling me “ ab kya karegi padai karke… Naukari karni hai.. tujhe kya zarurat hai…pati hai na…etc.”
Well, at that time I had no answer to their inquisitiveness.
I have been labelled a late comer all my life amidst my peers. This time I was ‘running very late’ in life. But the passion was strong enough to overcome all the fears that I harboured all this while. Steadily everything started making sense, as if the stars finally aligned for me.
I completed my masters, topped my university, I failed the RET( research entrance test)thrice, got pregnant with my first child, and after becoming a pro at failing the entrance exam finally cleared it, I completed my MPhil, I was the oldest student in my class, thereafter I was pursuing my Phd and got pregnant with my second child. Time never stopped for me, It doesn’t stop for anyone.
Has been quite a journey soo far, juggling between what I was suppose to do as a woman and what I wanted to do for myself. I took gender and sexuality as my area of expertise and used social media to empower people around me with my experiences. This was the topic I feel I could connect deeply with.
I have never understood the gender roles our society is divided in.
Women are always given a subordinate role to men. If a man moves out to do something for himself he is tagged as responsible. But, if a woman tries to do something for herself, she is immediately judged as selfish.
I do not understand how the society categorises a female and a male thereby expecting one to behave in a particular way. If you are a male then you automatically become strong “emotionally and physically” people expect you to become independent and self reliant.
If you are a woman they don’t give you room for independence, financial independence is not your priority because one needs to get married before its too late, one needs to have children as soon as possible because your biological clock is ticking too fast and the list is way too long.
I have lived it all, trust me!
These normative social standards were a huge hurdle in my finding myself. It has been quite a journey soo far. I had big support from my husband, brother and both the set of parents that made me sail through.
But,l think of all the other women who are socially bound to do things that are expected of them. These women wrap up their dreams and ambitions and ultimately loose themselves because, “kya zarurat hai… shaadi ho gai hai”
There is a dire need in our society to bring about a cultural shift. I came over everything, every barrier that stopped me to chase my dreams. I educated myself even after my marriage, kept working and empowering myself. Nothing came easy to me. It has been a difficult-difficult ride soo far. I have been juggling between making everyone and myself happy.
Being a confused girl in the class who didn’t know what she wanted for the longest time, marriage was certainly a wake up call. It took me thirty years of my life to realise what I was capable of doing. I am still moving towards my goal. I keep reminding myself that its not late, that its never too late for anything.
I’d like to tell everyone that its okay to be lost sometimes, it is okay to start things afresh all over again.
Because no body said it will be easy but it will be worth your while. So, go on try yourself, just another chance finding yourself and you will be surprised to see the things you can do, you never thought you were capable of. So carve your own niche, because it is never too late, to be what you might have been.
The secret to happiness is freedom and the secret to that freedom is courage. Courage to take the non normative way, courage to move out of your comfort zone and embrace the opportunities coming your way. And trust me you will find yourself, I certainly did!
