To Motherhood and Everything in Between
Everyday I become more like my mother and I couldn’t be more proud of it. One cannot probably fathom the amount of love a mother puts into everything she does for her kids. I never ever could have imagined what goes into raising an individual until, I made two myself.
Now, I know why life seemed perfect back then. Now, I know the reason behind those carefree days.
I never had to worry about my uniform or breakfast which was always ready before time.They said, “what pretty hair! what beautiful dress!” I said “thank you”, without being thankful to the hands behind it. But, today I am.
They said I looked better after my health went down for a week that year. I said “I am grateful to God” without being grateful to the eyes that did not sleep for the whole week. But, today I am.
Today, I know what went into the process of growing up in the world, a woman created for me, a woman who kept my happiness above hers.
On being asked many times, how did I feel being a young mother of two? Is it life changing?
Well, here is the truth!
It is exhausting indeed, it is not something I had imagined, it is a thousand of anxious — sleepless nights, it is several imperfect failed attempts to get that perfection in place, it is the vulnerability I feel when my kids are out of sight, It the strength I have felt when my kids are in a difficult situation
It has been 7 years, and I have known several versions of myself, I have seen myself capable of doing things I never thought I could.
I have felt my heart, two of them now, thumping outside my body. But, not for anything or anyone under the sun I would trade all of this.
The day I held my first born in my arms, I was reborn too, somewhere deep inside me I knew life would never be same again. I knew that It would be beautiful but in a very different way. I also, confess to have been a very possessive mother. I confess to have been afraid to an extent like never before. I confess to have tried to veil them from the world for a certain period of time.
Yes, it did take a me quite a while to realise that my kids were no more a part of me and they will be hopping, running, and my heart will skip a beat every time.
But, eventually it will be their journey as an individual and I will be just a light.
For I have now realised, that I am not, and do not want to be the anchor, who will control their boat of life, for I know it has the ability to swing wildly in the blue. And They, my kids, will move on to create a world of their own, completely new.
So, Today I am growing with them, exploring myself, learning and looking at the world from their eyes, I am building little simple dreams with blocks, chasing butterflies, smelling flowers, being in awe of the full moon and everything I can do by being just available for them. I am making the best of this time we have together so that tomorrow when they look back they will have the best of memories with their mother like I do!
This Mother’s day I release myself from the mom guilt of going into extreme with everything.
For I know that all the frenzy will be justified one day. Because, being a mother makes one insanely,hopelessly, crazy in love.
Written with love by a mother raised by another loving mother.